Heading into this day of love (which shouldn’t be saved for just one day of the year, if you are smart), I offer you  a few words from someone who has observed life for a little while:

One can be sane and in love. No, seriously. Being in love doesn’t mean you have to stop being normal or having rational thoughts. It simply means that you have a companion in life.  In a relationship – when you are realistic about what you can give and your expectations from the other person and set boundaries and aren’t willing to compromise what you want – love fits hand in hand in the equation. As a matter of fact, love is the + that makes you and the other person = together. It should be, anyway.

Many people go into relationships for the wrong reasons: attention, rebound, low self-esteem and sometimes codependency issues (to name just a few.) Are you in your relationship for the right reasons? When you are in a relationship for the right reasons, this should mean you have taken the time to assess that you are ready within yourself to open your heart to someone else as well as be true to your conviction about who you are, what you want and what you are willing to give of yourself to another person. You have to be ready to live with the decisions you make about who you allow in your personal space (literally and figuratively) and if you aren’t, being single may be a better option for you until the time is right. If you are willing to wait until you are ready, then you may be alone for a little while (as existing this way may mean that you weed out some people you don’t want to deal with) but when that right person comes along, the time you spent waiting on “the one” will fade from your memory faster than you think. Love does that, too. (Kinda like that brain-eraser thing in Men in Black.)

Some people make good decisions, others bad ones, but there is always time to fix you as long as YOU fix you and not look for or wait for someone else to do it. If you are whole within yourself going into seeking a good mate, you’ll find another whole person. We weren’t meant to be all Jerry Maguire “You complete me” about life.  That stuff works well in movies but not so well in reality. You don’t need someone to complete you, you’re a whole person on your own. In a relationship, the best mate one needs is someone who compliments them. And that’s what most people miss altogether. They look for puzzle pieces instead of looking for a completed puzzle.

So, if you are in a relationship that’s working for you and is healthy and functional, congratulations to you. If you are in an unhealthy one that’s dysfunctional and driving you crazy more than making you happy, I’m not telling you to break up with that person, I’m simply saying think hard about why you are in the relationship, then do something about it to make changes. One can be unhappy by themselves, it makes no sense to be unhappy in a relationship intentionally. That’s actually an oxymoron if you think about it.

And finally to the single person (such as myself,) just work on being the best you that you can be. Are you missing some puzzle pieces in your life? Find them. Is your self esteem level low? Work on raising it up. Do you have baggage you haven’t sorted out yet? Get to sorting. As you become your complete self, your “I am awesome and available” beacon will begin to shine brighter and your “person with major issues” light will start to dim. Prepare yourself for that good mate. They are on their way, I promise you that. Just continue to prepare yourself so that when they do show up, you’ll be ready and they won’t pass you by.

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