I wish you knew how beautiful you are. I’m not talking about the beauty that lies on the outside.
No.
I’m talking about your deep, inner beauty. Your beauty like -
waking up at 5am to feed a fussy baby, cooing and holding him close with warmth and love in your voice or
baking cupcakes for 25 kids at midnight because your 3rd grader volunteered you to do so at the last minute or
staying up all night with a child with the flu, rocking her to sleep and not falling asleep til 10 mins before the alarm goes off or
putting a smile on your face for the hundredth time when he embarrasses you in front of your friends with his corny jokes or
wincing as you wash your face the morning after he slapped you because he didn’t want to hear what you had to say or
when you cry when you realize he didn’t come home because he slept at her house again last night or
as you pack your bags because you finally got tired of his lies or
when you listened to him tell you how much he cares for you and “please don’t leave me baby” or
when you take him back even when you heard God clearly say “Go NOW!” in your ear or
when you felt like if you just hung in there, again, he’d change his ways or
when you found that text that said “did you tell her that I’m pregnant yet?” or
when you heard that voicemail on his phone as the doctor said “I need to talk to you about your AZT treatment, call me, it’s been a few months since I’ve heard from you” or
when your heart fell when you realized that the man you loved so deeply with all your heart gave you HIV….which later on became full blown AIDS or
like the confusion in your babies eyes when they can’t understand why Mommy and Daddy just left one day and never came back
Yes, even then.
You were still beautiful.
Even the day you passed away you were beautiful. It’s just a shame you never knew it.
