1. I need people to stop blaming others for their lack of ambition. If you’ve been working on your rap career since 85 and STILL haven’t gotten signed, I’ma need you to get a job. Anything that doesn’t pay the bills yet takes up just as much time as a full time job in your life is called a hobby or to people with real jobs, it’s just called stupid. You need to either work harder on your skills or get a daggone day job til your rap career blows up. Either drop an album  and sell mixtapes outta your trunk or put the shut to the damn up. McDonalds is hiring, fool!
  2. Stop waiting on others to validate your success. You don’t need other people to pat you on the back all the time just so you can feel you are doing a good job. If you know you are doing a good job, pat your damn self on the back and keep it moving. In the real world, we don’t have entourages and people to run out and buy us cheesecake to eat with our Cambodian breast milk like Diddy, so suck it up. You’re doing a great job! Good work, chaps! Now that’s good enough, back to work!
  3. I’m a big girl, so I can say this so *ahem*: fellow big girls, I’ma need ya’ll to cover up your rolls and diggem snacks when you go out into the world. Wearing smaller clothes doesn’t make you smaller, it makes you look like somebody punched you til you swole up then stuffed you in your clothes. Wear what fits. You’ll look better. You can be superhotness no matter what your size, just not while looking like an over-stuffed burrito. Stop. It. Now.
  4. To the baby mamas who spent all their child support checks on getting their nails and hair did and leaving your babies looking like all they’ve had to eat was dirty crayons and Spam and boogers for the past 6 months….STOP IT. They’re gonna grow up to be bad ass, emaciated kids who will resent you, then find ways to put you in a bootleg retirement home where all you’ll have to eat is expired tapioca pudding. You had a baby, you need to grow up. And if you have a girl and you don’t comb your baby’s hair at least twice a week, I’ma pay Rayrayndem to come to your house and drive-by pimpslap you. HARD. And your baby boy needs his hair combed too. His hair looking like burnt popcorn is not the business. Your babies better be crispy clean at all times. Don’t make me come over there. (Eh, I’m probably talking to myself on this one, most hoodrats don’t have internet access. Well, y’all go run tell that to your friendly neighborhood hoodrats, mmk?)
  5. And last but not least, it is not cute to be ghetto fabulous, loud and ridiculous at all times. There is a time and place to act ignant (yes, I said ignant) and not knowing when to turn it off irks the hell out of me. So what, someone may have not been the nicest to you when you ordered your food at Wendy’s, is it really worth cussing the cashier out because they put pickles on your burger even though you asked them not to? Keep it up and when you get that food back, you’ll get a side of dirt, snot and Herpes on that burger. Stop being so dang mean. Constant meanness is a sign of bitterness, resentment, (usually at yourself or your circumstances)  ignorance or lack of home training. Do you want to claim any of those things? Try being nicer sometimes. You’ll get better service and your life will flow much better.  Always being on guard and ready to fight or cuss someone out at a moment’s notice has got to be tiring. THIS IS NOT SPARTA!!!! Stop it. *drops mic*