People on Facebook crack me up. You can pick all kinds of relationship statuses but the one that really kills me is the “It’s complicated” one which essentially means “I don’t want to tell you what I’m doing in my relationship, or lack thereof, so I’m just gonna say it’s complicated so that you are borderline intrigued but I’m still not committed to answering you one way or another.” So that got me to thinking. Come on people, let’s just be honest: you just don’t want to make whatever your relationship status is clear to the world. In reality, either you’re married or single. That’s it. No complications there.

Why do people try so hard to seem so complicated? I can understand not exposing all your innermost thoughts and feelings to everyone in the world via Facebook but in the real world, when it comes to someone that you care about and are looking towards a long term commitment with – whether it be a romantic one or simply a plutonic relationship – why is it so hard for some people to be clear with their intentions and/or relationship statuses? Even if you don’t care about the individual, why can’t that be clear as well?

Now, let ME be clear, this isn’t the ranting of an upset woman. I’m just wondering why so many people seem to enjoy keeping their communication about their relationship status, or feelings for one another, as ambiguous as possible then blame it on the other person when they didn’t understand what was being said to them. Or when they say one thing then quite clearly do an entirely different function with their actions. This confuses me to no end. Let me give you an example from my own life -

I once knew this guy who took pride in this “It’s Complicatedness.” We’ll call him Teddy to protect the guilty. So Teddy would do things like make completely ambiguous statements like: “I know how I feel about you but at this time my reality isn’t clear,” to which I would respond “Um, what does that mean?” Then he would say “That’s up to you to figure out.” However, if later on down the line I mistook what he said in a completely opposite direction and got upset about it, he would say “Well, that’s your fault, I already told you what the situation was.”  He had a host of other problems that led me to believe that he might have been a little bipolar but that’s a whole other post all together . He, I learned in retrospect, was trying to be confusing on purpose because he was actually dating another woman – well a quite a few at the time – and didn’t want to clearly state “I’m seeing other people but want to keep you on speed dial just in case it doesn’t work out with any of the rest of them ” for fear that I would leave him alone altogether because he didn’t want to end our physical relationship at the time. Now, if he would have made what his real intentions were clear from the start, would I have still had that physical relationship with him? Possibly, but I was never even given the opportunity to weigh the options.

Now, don’t think I’m not addressing women with this either. I’ve known a few women who will let a man wine and dine her, spend all kinds of cash on her and have no intentions of going anywhere near a relationship with the situation. If the man just likes to take her out, well that’s fine but if she’s leading him on little by little simply because she enjoys the perks and is still trying to keep her other options open, then that’s just wrong. Dating someone and just “kicking it” are two different things. If you want go just go out and have a good time, great, do that. But if you aren’t feeling the individual, let them know.  Be clear at all times. Clarity saves drama from trying to pour gasoline all over your clothes, dump them in your convertible and set fire to them as you walk away to a Mary J. Blige track while smoking a cigarette. I’m just saying.

Most people don’t want to just come out with what they really want to do because,  A: they have no idea what they really want or,  B: the fear that if they tell you what they want and it’s not what YOU want there is a chance you won’t want to interact with that person in the first place.  It’s ok to not know what you want.  Speak up and say so. Eventually you’ll decide if you’re serious about things, if you want to keep things on a friendship level or if you want to run away screaming. Once you know what you want to do have enough respect for an individual as a human being to come out with it. If you don’t have enough respect to deal with someone on that level, you’re better off not being in contact with them in the first place.

So long story short, the root of the lack of clarity in communication in some relationships could be fear, fear that you honestly have no idea what’s going on or how you feel.  Although maybe you do and just want to keep that information to yourself so you can keep doing your dirt in the dark.  Which is it?  If you choose not to own up to it and express that fear to the world by stating “It’s complicated,” well, that’s entirely up to you.

Be clear with your life’s status. Either you’re single or you’re not. Be clear with your communication. Either you want a relationship or you don’t. No one can fully understand what comes out of your head unless you break it down for them. You are your best interpreter and someone out there is dying to understand what you’re trying to say. Help them out. It’s really not that complicated.

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